You might be a (Redneck) Firefighter if -
You've ever had this dream : DISPATCHER - ...EMS will be delayed...contractions are now 30 seconds apart...baby is crowning...you are the only responding unit, would you like me to retone your department?........................(Huh?)
Not only is Backdraft your all-time favorite movie, your still waiting for the sequel.
Running into a burning building, while everyone else is running out, seems logical.
You don't take long showers. You have long since realized that GOD has a sense of humor, and will make your pager go off when you are naked.
Not only have you seen UFO's, your department has standard operating procedures to deal with the fires they cause when they crash.
You have actually played 'Jingle Bells' on the engine air horn as you tried to clear traffic.
Some of the departments fire trucks are older than you are.
You believe that the sun rises in the east, wearing bunker gear in hot weather is a bummer, and that ALL FIRE TRUCKS SHOULD BE RED.
You suspect that the Dispatcher trying to give you directions is actually looking at a map of some Canadian Province.
The only reason you watch 'Baywatch' is to make sure that the Life Guards are administering CPR correctly. (yea, right).
You can chew gum without breaking your air mask seal.
You keep a Hallagan tool under your bed for home defense.
Rank Definitions For FireFighter's
Chief
Leaps Tall buildings with a single bound.
Is more powerful than a ladder truck.
Is faster than a speeding bullet.
Walks on water.
Gives Policy to GOD.
Assistant Chief
Leaps short buildings with a single bound.
Is more powerful than a pumper.
Is just as fast as a speeding bullet.
Walks on water if sea is calm.
Talks with GOD.
Training Captain
Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds.
Is almost as powerful as a pumper.
Is faster than a speeding BB.
Walks on water in indoor swimming pools.
Talks with GOD if special request is approved.
Safety Captain
Barely clears Quonset hut.
Loses tug-of-war with pumpers.
Can fire a speeding bullet.
Swims well.
Is occasionally addressed by GOD.
Rescue Captain
Makes high marks on buildings when trying to leap them.
Is run over by a pumper.
Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury.
Dog paddles in swimming pools.
Talks with animals.
Station Captain
Runs into buildings when trying to leap them.
Recognizes pumpers two out of three times.
Is not allowed to use guns.
Can stay afloat if properly instructed in the use of a life jacket.
Talks to walls. (Huh?)
Lieutenant
Falls over doorstep when trying to enter buildings.
Points and says, Look at the pretty fire engine.
Wets himself with a water pistol.
Plays in mud puddles.
Mumbles to himself.
FireFighter
Lifts buildings and walks under them.
Kicks fire engines and equipment out of the way.
Catches speeding bullets in his teeth and eats them.
Freezes water with a single glance.
He is GOD.
-unknown author
Blonde Joke
Blonde: Hello 911? Yes, MY HOUSE IS ON FIRE!
911: How do we get there?
Blonde: da....in a big red fire truck!
A DARK AND STORMY NIGHT...
One dark night outside a small town, a fire started inside the local chemical plant. Before long it exploded into flames and an alarm went out to fire departments from miles around. After fighting the fire for over an hour, the chemical company president approached the fire chief and said, All of our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved! I will give $50,000 to the engine crew that brings them out safely!
As soon as the chief heard this, he ordered the firemen to strengthen their attack on the blaze. After two more hours of attacking the fire, president of the company offered $100,000 to the engine company that could bring out the company's secret files.
From the distance a long siren was heard and another fire truck came into sight. It was a local volunteer fire department composed entirely of men over 65. To everyone's amazement the little fire engine raced through the chemical plant gates and drove straight into the middle of the inferno.
In the distance, the other firemen watched as the old-timers hopped off of their rig and began to fight the fire with an effort that they had never seen before. After an hour of intense fighting, the volunteer company had extinguished the fire and saved the secret formulas.
Joyous, the chemical company president announced that he would double the reward to $200,000 and walked over to personally thank each of the volunteers. After thanking each of the old men individually, the president asked the group what they intended to do with the reward money.
The fire truck driver looked him right in the eye and said, The first thing we're going to do is fix the dang brakes on that truck!
Q: How many firemen does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Four - one to change the bulb and three to cut a hole in the roof.
# 014 |
